It's pretty late right now. But before catching another episode of another meaningless yet addictive series I would just like to add a couple of words. Well, let's start off with the updating part. Long story short, I am currently in my first semester of the second year and got a new laptop, got a new magic deck courtesy of my friends. For some reason, my typing skills have deteriorated, so i wouldn't expect this post to be too long winded. Haha.
Alright let's jump straight to the point. Hmm let's see, entering the 2nd year in my course I kind of realise that i forgot the reason why i am studying this course. In a way, the motivation that i had last semester was kind of gone... Reading back the old posts reminded me of how much fire i have in me and well, the main reason of studying in a university. I guess, the changes I had this year that is staying with my friends, getting into the Dean's list has blinded me of my original intentions. Sometimes when you allow ego to get into your head you'll tend to revert back to your past self which is the competitive guy with an inflated ego.
Diving back into that old personality has certainly not brought any joy into my life instead I was constantly worrying about being the best in the class and inadvertently forgot the true purpose of learning. Well, luckily the mature part of me helped me to figure out that rough patch and well as long as I am enjoying learning I am pretty sure that getting into the Dean's list wouldn't be a problem. So, enjoy your life man stop worrying that's what i told myself.
I've been singing Home a lot lately because it kind of relates to me at an emotional level. Sometimes I still have the feeling of not being appreciated but hey, who are you to be entitled to that?
Finally, quite a number of my friends went to UK and they seem to be enjoying their life there. Hmm, the dream of going there still lingers on in my mind but as they always say it's not a bed of roses over there.
I doubt that I'll have friends that will truly comprehend me in this university but who knows right? I love writing but certainly not writing reports. Creative and free writing, that's what i love. When someone really figured me out, I guess they will find this blog although the name is pretty long haha.
Just discussing the last issue here, I don't like to post pictures because I realise that whenever you post pictures of you enjoying things somewhere you are kind of like propagating jealousy because not everyone has the financial or chronological capability of enjoying what you have. So, keep those photos to yourself as memories if you want to but please there really isn't a point in making it available to everyone you know on facebook. Well, this is just my humble opinion which is controversial as always.
Last but not least, having a week of study break, going to Sepang soon, hopefully will be a fun one, and well, till next time, I really should write more to enjoy my life. Instead of just storing everything inside the tiny brain of mine. But sometimes I don't remember what I was referring to last time so next time do write down whatever you mean Li. Lol.
Another single day,
Another time away,
I just wanna write to express my thoughts,
I miss you you you.
(Home tune)
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Self reflection of a mature guy
Wow, it's been more than a year since I last checked in here. If you hadn't already know, a lot of things has happened in that long hiatus from blogging of mine. Well, I am pretty sure you are wondering what stories I am going to tell this time, but truth is, I am just going to briefly blog about the stories. The main emphasis on today's blog would certainly be the experience and things which I have learned this past year.
As I type freely away... I hum a familiar tune one which I forgot about a long time ago, the nostalgic tune of 'For Real' of 'gensomaden saiyuki'... It just clears my mine every time that tune plays in my mine. It's just so relaxing to hear that.
So, where do I start? Hmm, well I guess I should just update you guys with some information on where I am right now. After struggling with the demons within myself, I have finally realised the true meaning of going to a university as well as attaining a scholarship. I used to always think that I have to go to an overseas university to attain great education, but never did I realise that it doesn't matter which university you go to, the most important thing is that you learn as much as you can during this 4 short years and in order to make yourself a better person.
I always asked myself what course should I enrol into? But little did I realise that the answer is never easily found by anyone. I used to be always envious of my friends who seemed to choose their courses so easily as if they knew what they wanted all along and the pressure that I felt was really great back then. Bearing the competitive nature in me I made a hasty decision simply because I wanted to stand out from the crowd. Back then, I always knew that the course that I could never be certain about the course I chose even after my A levels. Looking back from this point now, I realised something which is that you can never be certain about what you want until you have seen something which you are truly interested in. Something which I have recently just found.
Undeniably, spending one year staying on campus is probably one good choice that I have made. The deprivation from family comfort made my appreciate my home even more and also the sacrifices which my parents have made for me. Which brings me to the scholarship hunting journey which I embarked upon years ago. I chose a longer path to graduation to prevent a future filled with regrets and what ifs, and till this day I stand by my decision because I know that in the future I won't question and beat myself up over the path not taken... After applying to a number of scholarships, and attended quite a number of interviews, I still fall short of achieving my dreams of securing a scholarship. But then I asked myself, what's the point of getting one? It was then I realised that the reason I got so upset back then was because of the shame caused by my own ego. Once I lost that, it doesn't matter anymore whether I get one or not. Yeah true, lifting the burden of my parents is still my number one priority but I asked myself why torture yourself when you can't do anything about it? Even if you have failed so many interviews the main thing is that you have risen stronger after falling down so many times. The lessons and the experience which you have gained are priceless it doesn't matter if you don't have the scholarship because in a way a scholarship is also another term of securing a loan, it's just a better way of phrasing it. As one old Chinese proverb once said 'talents are hard to find, but people who can spot talents are even harder to find'.
Oh yeah, about the campus life which I had, it was truly awesome. I have met so many wonderful friends and they have taught me so much about life. The usual naive me was always looking for fun fun and fun. But well, one good friend of mine taught me the importance of looking every situation from all angles. Even though I find that he tends to over think too much, it's really been interesting trying to analyse things like Sherlock Holmes for once. As the saying goes, you can't live with them, you can't live without them. I really understood the meaning of this phrase since coming here. It doesn't really matter if you don't talk to your best buddy for a few years or even months, because if you guys are really true friends, the moment you meet up again, you'll talk like you have never been apart before. Which is truly remarkable. Over here, I have friends coming from different backgrounds and that is the thing which sets the room alight, bright with different colours. But there are always people with ulterior motives right? Haha, every story has it's antagonist as we always say. Some people always think that they are superior than others just because they think that they have a lot of experience but the truth always is that they don't know anything about other before they start bragging in front of people. As always, I hate people who boast haha.
Some people are always not punctual taking things for granted, needing you only when the exams or assignments are due but hey life's like that. For every situation, I learned to deal with it with a calm heart. It's truly pleasing when you are at the centre of attention but well, everything has its limit. Tolerating it is the best foot forward.
Truth is I am really really tired and I have probably forgotten about most of the things which I wanted to write just now. Oh yeah, the Hong Kong drama which I just watched it was really nice because I felt I could relate to that story haha. At the end of the day, I told myself to stop trying to compete with others, just be the best you can be and learn as much as you possibly can because in the future, you are not going to be judged by the number of As you got rather it's on how much knowledge you have acquired. Another scholarship interview coming up, exams as well, and also well moving on to the next stage in life (you know what I mean).
As I mature into a fully grown adult,
I stare back down the past,
and realised how much I could have told myself,
but that's not something that I'll do,
because the decisions and the mistakes that we make in the past,
makes us who we are today,
and that's the very reason that people should never be judged by their past,
as the past makes them who they are today,
and who they are today is the one that should be judged.
This is all for today, I'll post more some other time, perhaps a few months later or even a year on who knows when I'll write again but one thing is for sure, I truly enjoyed the time I spent writing so freely without any restrictions without any format to adhere to... Times ahead are truly interesting...
As I type freely away... I hum a familiar tune one which I forgot about a long time ago, the nostalgic tune of 'For Real' of 'gensomaden saiyuki'... It just clears my mine every time that tune plays in my mine. It's just so relaxing to hear that.
So, where do I start? Hmm, well I guess I should just update you guys with some information on where I am right now. After struggling with the demons within myself, I have finally realised the true meaning of going to a university as well as attaining a scholarship. I used to always think that I have to go to an overseas university to attain great education, but never did I realise that it doesn't matter which university you go to, the most important thing is that you learn as much as you can during this 4 short years and in order to make yourself a better person.
I always asked myself what course should I enrol into? But little did I realise that the answer is never easily found by anyone. I used to be always envious of my friends who seemed to choose their courses so easily as if they knew what they wanted all along and the pressure that I felt was really great back then. Bearing the competitive nature in me I made a hasty decision simply because I wanted to stand out from the crowd. Back then, I always knew that the course that I could never be certain about the course I chose even after my A levels. Looking back from this point now, I realised something which is that you can never be certain about what you want until you have seen something which you are truly interested in. Something which I have recently just found.
Undeniably, spending one year staying on campus is probably one good choice that I have made. The deprivation from family comfort made my appreciate my home even more and also the sacrifices which my parents have made for me. Which brings me to the scholarship hunting journey which I embarked upon years ago. I chose a longer path to graduation to prevent a future filled with regrets and what ifs, and till this day I stand by my decision because I know that in the future I won't question and beat myself up over the path not taken... After applying to a number of scholarships, and attended quite a number of interviews, I still fall short of achieving my dreams of securing a scholarship. But then I asked myself, what's the point of getting one? It was then I realised that the reason I got so upset back then was because of the shame caused by my own ego. Once I lost that, it doesn't matter anymore whether I get one or not. Yeah true, lifting the burden of my parents is still my number one priority but I asked myself why torture yourself when you can't do anything about it? Even if you have failed so many interviews the main thing is that you have risen stronger after falling down so many times. The lessons and the experience which you have gained are priceless it doesn't matter if you don't have the scholarship because in a way a scholarship is also another term of securing a loan, it's just a better way of phrasing it. As one old Chinese proverb once said 'talents are hard to find, but people who can spot talents are even harder to find'.
Oh yeah, about the campus life which I had, it was truly awesome. I have met so many wonderful friends and they have taught me so much about life. The usual naive me was always looking for fun fun and fun. But well, one good friend of mine taught me the importance of looking every situation from all angles. Even though I find that he tends to over think too much, it's really been interesting trying to analyse things like Sherlock Holmes for once. As the saying goes, you can't live with them, you can't live without them. I really understood the meaning of this phrase since coming here. It doesn't really matter if you don't talk to your best buddy for a few years or even months, because if you guys are really true friends, the moment you meet up again, you'll talk like you have never been apart before. Which is truly remarkable. Over here, I have friends coming from different backgrounds and that is the thing which sets the room alight, bright with different colours. But there are always people with ulterior motives right? Haha, every story has it's antagonist as we always say. Some people always think that they are superior than others just because they think that they have a lot of experience but the truth always is that they don't know anything about other before they start bragging in front of people. As always, I hate people who boast haha.
Some people are always not punctual taking things for granted, needing you only when the exams or assignments are due but hey life's like that. For every situation, I learned to deal with it with a calm heart. It's truly pleasing when you are at the centre of attention but well, everything has its limit. Tolerating it is the best foot forward.
Truth is I am really really tired and I have probably forgotten about most of the things which I wanted to write just now. Oh yeah, the Hong Kong drama which I just watched it was really nice because I felt I could relate to that story haha. At the end of the day, I told myself to stop trying to compete with others, just be the best you can be and learn as much as you possibly can because in the future, you are not going to be judged by the number of As you got rather it's on how much knowledge you have acquired. Another scholarship interview coming up, exams as well, and also well moving on to the next stage in life (you know what I mean).
As I mature into a fully grown adult,
I stare back down the past,
and realised how much I could have told myself,
but that's not something that I'll do,
because the decisions and the mistakes that we make in the past,
makes us who we are today,
and that's the very reason that people should never be judged by their past,
as the past makes them who they are today,
and who they are today is the one that should be judged.
This is all for today, I'll post more some other time, perhaps a few months later or even a year on who knows when I'll write again but one thing is for sure, I truly enjoyed the time I spent writing so freely without any restrictions without any format to adhere to... Times ahead are truly interesting...
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Youtube funny videos
I just found out that youtube is actually not as boring as I used to think. Recently I stumbled across some very funny videos by a guy called KevJumba I think. I mean I find the videos he made freakingly funny. Not that I am promoting his videos but I never knew that youtube actually contains such videos. Haha.
Honestly, his video are really awesome as they help me destress after a day of examination - I just found out about his videos and I am having exams right now. The stuff that he talks about are just so typical, but the way he acts and says it out makes even the most common and predictable things funny. Haha.
I guess enough of me promoting his videos but really, you guys should really watch it. After a stressful day, a good laugh towards the end of it really helps.
Honestly, his video are really awesome as they help me destress after a day of examination - I just found out about his videos and I am having exams right now. The stuff that he talks about are just so typical, but the way he acts and says it out makes even the most common and predictable things funny. Haha.
I guess enough of me promoting his videos but really, you guys should really watch it. After a stressful day, a good laugh towards the end of it really helps.
Failure... A very painful thing to bear...
Perhaps I am just not as good as I think I am... Recently 3 of my applications to scholarship and universities were rejected. Shell rejected me outright, Cambridge rejected me after making me wait anxiously for 4 days thanks to their 'we are going to send you your results tomorrow' mail, and imperial just rejected me as well by offering me a biomedical engineering course which is like err.... The reason given - I am just not good enough I think. Alright, they didn't really put it that way but they might as well do that. I mean what's the difference right?
Honestly, I thought I am more mature right now and failures are easier to deal with. But it seems like no matter how many times I fail, each failure seems to be more painful than the last. Arghhhh, what is the matter with me? Why can't I get into any of the top universities? Am I just stupid? Or dumb? This is just so frustrating!!!!
Right now my options are really getting narrower and narrower and at the moment, I am really getting no where without any concrete offer from realistic universities. Sad isn't it? Haiz. I really hate to pity myself because it is just pathetic! You hear me pathetic! So just get over these and start working to improve yourself as a whole! Its not over yet. I am going to get something by the end of the day. I will!!!
Sorry peeps, this is turning out to be a self-conversing blog. But not many people read it anyway, so...
Anyways, I really have got to pull things together and just improve myself. Maybe I should work on my self-presenting skills and my English which is horrendous. Well, right now my A levels exam is going to finish next week and after that I have got to work even harder to secure at least a good scholarship and a good university placing. Singapore is my main target but who knows right? Not looking too far ahead though. Till next time...
Honestly, I thought I am more mature right now and failures are easier to deal with. But it seems like no matter how many times I fail, each failure seems to be more painful than the last. Arghhhh, what is the matter with me? Why can't I get into any of the top universities? Am I just stupid? Or dumb? This is just so frustrating!!!!
Right now my options are really getting narrower and narrower and at the moment, I am really getting no where without any concrete offer from realistic universities. Sad isn't it? Haiz. I really hate to pity myself because it is just pathetic! You hear me pathetic! So just get over these and start working to improve yourself as a whole! Its not over yet. I am going to get something by the end of the day. I will!!!
Sorry peeps, this is turning out to be a self-conversing blog. But not many people read it anyway, so...
Anyways, I really have got to pull things together and just improve myself. Maybe I should work on my self-presenting skills and my English which is horrendous. Well, right now my A levels exam is going to finish next week and after that I have got to work even harder to secure at least a good scholarship and a good university placing. Singapore is my main target but who knows right? Not looking too far ahead though. Till next time...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Feeling out of place...
Ah well, recently I just realised something while I was spending time with my college mates... Money does seem to be a factor while hanging out with them... It always like they want to go to some fancy place but I couldn't afford it and I kind of feel bad and out of place...
Most of the time when they talk about stuff, it is always about something that involves material that you will need money to buy. Since I am not exactly the type that have the money to buy stuff or even dream of buying them, I too always feel out of place in these conversations...
Kind of sad when you think about it... I am just not that kind of person that want to buy stuff all the time to keep myself happy. Honestly, I like to do activities that doesn't involve money at all or minimal amount of it if possible. Well, its not that I find them annoying, as I do learn about something here and there, but I really wish that I could find someone whom I can share my passion with...
I guess those kind of friends are hard to come by... From the looks of it, its the environment that we live in that causes our mentality to be totally different... Well, I just hate to spend money on something as I always regret whatever that I buy sooner or later. Haha. That's why I have never even spend a single dime on any electronic device... Can't believe it right? Haha.
Anyways, I just got the interview from Cambridge and I guess I'll be spending these next few weeks preparing for it... Got to go now, till next time. Cao.
Most of the time when they talk about stuff, it is always about something that involves material that you will need money to buy. Since I am not exactly the type that have the money to buy stuff or even dream of buying them, I too always feel out of place in these conversations...
Kind of sad when you think about it... I am just not that kind of person that want to buy stuff all the time to keep myself happy. Honestly, I like to do activities that doesn't involve money at all or minimal amount of it if possible. Well, its not that I find them annoying, as I do learn about something here and there, but I really wish that I could find someone whom I can share my passion with...
I guess those kind of friends are hard to come by... From the looks of it, its the environment that we live in that causes our mentality to be totally different... Well, I just hate to spend money on something as I always regret whatever that I buy sooner or later. Haha. That's why I have never even spend a single dime on any electronic device... Can't believe it right? Haha.
Anyways, I just got the interview from Cambridge and I guess I'll be spending these next few weeks preparing for it... Got to go now, till next time. Cao.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
No one to talk to..........
Feeling kind of down at the moment... So many things in my mind but no one to share with...
Monday, August 16, 2010
Hi there....
Wow! Again it seems like forever since the last time I posted a post. Well well, right now I am in my third semester of A levels studies and the second sem results is coming out in just a few days time and the nerves are hitting me badly. What if... There is just so much to write about haha.
Alright, first I actually took my Ielts and got a band 8 for it. Honestly I was quite happy about it but I expected more... as usual. Right now the thing that is bugging me is the personal statement that I need to write for the application of UCAS. Looking at those sample statements, I felt so dwarfed by those people's achievements. Haiz. If only I was as good as them.....
Besides that, I am also currently contemplating about applying to the US. But.. there is always the but, haha, I'll need to take the SAT exams and finish my applications and personal statements by the end of the year. Its just so troublesome when you come to think about it. I am still not sure as to whether to apply for it or not... Hmmm.... decisions, decisions...
As for the college work that I am currently doing, it'll be the Malaysian Studies work that is fast becoming a pain in the ass. I thought it'll be a breeze with the new found geniuses in my team but how wrong I was. As usual there are the ones where they just can't function properly and well I and a few other team members end up covering for them. Frustrating isn't it? Haha.
That's why for the UCAS thingy I am actually hoping to get into great universities like Cambridge and Imperial College. Seems a little far-fetched eh? I don't know, but I certainly don't rule them out. People around me here are all so damn rich, they actually can afford to do twinning programs with their parents' money. A little jealous here I guess... But I realised that only if I got to go to those overseas Universities through my own effort that I'll be truly satisfied. So the hard work got to start...
I have been quite lazy I have to say. Astonishingly, I came to a realisation that computer games no longer appeal to me anymore. Which is kind of weird considering how hooked on it I was during my schooling times. Nowadays I'd rather spend my weekends doing research and reading up on the latest technology available. Strange right? Just like the poem that I wrote a few years ago, the unpredictability of time.
It changes you, gives you a new perspective on life, gives you new loving friends which I didn't knew exists, and above all it still has so much to offer...
That's it for now, I guess till the next post which might be in a few months' time. ^.^
Alright, first I actually took my Ielts and got a band 8 for it. Honestly I was quite happy about it but I expected more... as usual. Right now the thing that is bugging me is the personal statement that I need to write for the application of UCAS. Looking at those sample statements, I felt so dwarfed by those people's achievements. Haiz. If only I was as good as them.....
Besides that, I am also currently contemplating about applying to the US. But.. there is always the but, haha, I'll need to take the SAT exams and finish my applications and personal statements by the end of the year. Its just so troublesome when you come to think about it. I am still not sure as to whether to apply for it or not... Hmmm.... decisions, decisions...
As for the college work that I am currently doing, it'll be the Malaysian Studies work that is fast becoming a pain in the ass. I thought it'll be a breeze with the new found geniuses in my team but how wrong I was. As usual there are the ones where they just can't function properly and well I and a few other team members end up covering for them. Frustrating isn't it? Haha.
That's why for the UCAS thingy I am actually hoping to get into great universities like Cambridge and Imperial College. Seems a little far-fetched eh? I don't know, but I certainly don't rule them out. People around me here are all so damn rich, they actually can afford to do twinning programs with their parents' money. A little jealous here I guess... But I realised that only if I got to go to those overseas Universities through my own effort that I'll be truly satisfied. So the hard work got to start...
I have been quite lazy I have to say. Astonishingly, I came to a realisation that computer games no longer appeal to me anymore. Which is kind of weird considering how hooked on it I was during my schooling times. Nowadays I'd rather spend my weekends doing research and reading up on the latest technology available. Strange right? Just like the poem that I wrote a few years ago, the unpredictability of time.
It changes you, gives you a new perspective on life, gives you new loving friends which I didn't knew exists, and above all it still has so much to offer...
That's it for now, I guess till the next post which might be in a few months' time. ^.^
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)