As I am sipping beer while listening to my favourite songs... A sense of calm descends upon me. For the first time in the last couple of days I feel calm not worrying about things nor emoing. The past few days had been tough for me. Losing someone I loved so dearly was really painful for me. But I suppose at the end of it all I just couldn't be selfish. Life is just so isn't it? That's how we learn how we grow up to be a better person. I learnt to love, learnt to express my feelings without fear and I guess that is something different about me since the start of the year. Although I have been relentlessly seeking for company the last 2 days I guess the pain is starting to ebb away. Yeah it still hurts occasionally but well I have so many things to look forward to right?
So what has happened for the last semester? Let me recall... Hmm, at the start of it, I continued sticking to the previous company and becoming increasingly invisible and taken for granted every single day. Slowly, I was fading into invisibility and it wasn't really that much fun. The unhappiness got to me at the end of it as I was feeling more miserable with each passing day and was starting to pick on trivial things. Putting down people way too much and starting to develop hatred towards them. I guess these are all the signs of being unhappy in a group.
Sprained my ankle one day. Hurt so bad cause it swelled so bad, went to the physio cracked some bones. Got back some strength. But above all, they showed some concern but that lasted a brief moment. I can't say I didn't appreciate that but well at the end of it all, it was business as usual. Haha. Falling into invisibility was my specialty I guess. Stress? Perhaps it was I don't know.
Hovercraft came along, I was glad I didn't choose to skip it. Things got very very late, and I spent a night at a friend's place. Turned out that, he was a great guy so great that I fell in love with him. I guess that's why they call it falling in love because you really have no control of your feelings when it does happen. Got into a lot of late night talks with him got to know him so much better and the best thing was that he understood me, accepted me and gave me the warmth that I needed in life, well that's just the best thing ever. No idea if he loved me back but well, that's life right?
After knowing him I kind of left my old group. I guess it kind of felt wrong at first but I didn't care. I was too happy being with him that I just didn't want to lose him. Disaster struck, they got kicked out and moved in. Was it a blessing for me? Perhaps it was. Really got to feel the warmth of his body. Perhaps it was a violation of his privacy I just didn't care. I loved him too much.
I have changed so much indeed. If I were 3 years ago, I would have studied at home. The me now, abandoned home for time with friends. A big change indeed. Life is short, time is limited, the books aren't going to be what you remember after you have graduated it's the memories that you created that count, the way people make you feel that will be imbued for life in your mind.
Last few days was tough for me, mustering the strength to give a perfect farewell to him. It wasn't that perfect but well, memories stick eh, I get sentimental each time I go back to that place. It's like something I need to distance myself for a while. Ah well, who knows how long it really takes for me to recover haha. Who knows?
I guess I am starting my internship with Dr. Wong soon... Looking forward to that... Telling myself to work as hard as I possibly can to prove myself. Now that the competition is in front of you. It's really your chance to prove your doubters wrong.
After all that ranting haha I guess mt eyes are closing adi. Oh yeah I went to tioman for my after exams trip was fun as well as the place where I confessed. Hmm, so that's how a confession feels like haha. I guess that's it for now, tiredness is taking over now. Good nightz.
Loving someone feels really great when the both of you enjoy each other's company.
When the time for separation has arrived it hurts so much that words just can't describe it.
You start to forget when the physical presence of the other person is no longer here.
But you still try to hang on to whatever fond memories that you possess.
Love is really something so good to have.
I really hope I can find another person to love this much for. Loveeeee.......
