Well, well, well. A year has gone by without the voice of me being projected out to the world it seems. How quiet have I become of late. A couple of things prevented me from writing freely and I guess being afraid was one of them. But enough is enough, the denial has to stop and so here I am again, finally accepting my identity my true self. I have come to the realisation that everyone has all but one life and living in a lie is just not going to cut it anymore. The misery of hiding will slowly overwhelm me, that is something I know for certain. Therefore, I have given myself the liberation to love and to care for whoever I want even though it may upset the people closest to me, so be it.
I realised that I have to live my own life and not the life that is expected of me. Thus far I have been living the life of the expected guy, the guy who excels in studies, the guy who secures a good job, the guy who helps people in need, the guy that everyone goes to when in trouble and yet despite all that people still always demand something more from me, they still always take me for granted. I guess the notion of having your heart broken so many times up to the point where you no longer cares holds true here. The pain that I experienced a year ago thought me much about life. Never in my life I have loved someone so deeply and never in my life I have been hurt so badly. Through that, I experienced the emotions that I had never felt before and let me tell you it was worth it until today. I know for a fact that if I can find someone to love again, I'll be able to uncover and feel new emotions that will enhance and colour my life even more and so I am hopeful once again in discovering love even with the threat of disaster in the name of rebellion. I announce here that I AM A REBEL.
Acknowledging that I will no longer conform to the norms of the society is truly liberating. I know that in a couple of year's time, I just have to leave this place for good. Staying with my parents has its perks but at the end of the day the shackles that bind me is just too much to bear. Moving out by the next will certainly force me into independence and by the 3rd I hope I would have summoned enough courage to drive myself out.
I was taught by this tv show that at the end of the day, everyone will be judged by the courage of their heart. I will not be a coward anymore and I shall stand for what I believe is right. Learnt a great deal over the past year. I can say that I have grown up quite a lot. My ability to pick up scents is still going great and as usual I learn to classify them into a girly or a manly one.
Treating myself to an upcoming comedy show and well I hope it will be a great one. I will probably be trying to talk to everyone as I am going on my own this time. A lot of times, the attachment with the people you know prevents you from breaking out of your comfort zone to build a new relationship with people out there. So, by doing this I hope I will have more strength and courage to do what I always imagine myself doing.
Analysing the past has taught me a great deal and I have start to realise the people that matter and the people that will judge me for everything that I do and try to compare me to their achievements. Screw it I say, I simply could not care less about them anymore. People who put on a fake smile just hoping that I will be of use to them screw them all. I am doing just fine with everything that I have right now and I am so incredibly grateful for my life every single day.
Over the course of the year I have developed compassion and kindness and have learnt to deal with jealousy and ungratefulness. The positive mindset that I practice right now is truly enlightening and liberating. I no longer stress myself over petty little things and I am living each day to the fullest. That is the greatest feeling ever that I have.
Life is great my friend,
why ruin it with pettiness,
when you can celebrate it,
with kindness and compassion?
Love like there is no tomorrow,
and continue living with the abundance of love!
