Hi Dear Future Self,
I know you will be rereading whatever that will be written there today so while I am going to try to describe all the sight, sound, thoughts that I am having right now because I know you would have forgotten what it would be like to be twenty four in due time.
I am listening to Sam Smith's songs while I am typing away with a nary care of the world. Time to look back at the past year considering that was my intention all along. So let's see, 2015, what a year it has been. Let's do this chronologically. It all started with the exam of the first semester of my final year. Did pretty badly in that, but didn't really affected me as I kind of secured results last year. Right after that, the final semester happened to put it that way. Haha. For some reason I was devoid of any emotions this time around, perhaps I have spent all of it up last year.
Almost fell in love again only to be woken up by a reality check and survived past that. I guess the term love sick comes from the literal meaning of it whereby love really can make you sick. Lying on the couch infatuated with the thought of love and what ifs, knowing that you will fall sick if that continued.
Past that, organised a big competition. Learnt a lot about people management there. Final exams came by, didn't have much to do. Instead I was hunting for jobs and going for interviews. Enjoyed every moment of it. When the actual exam did come and go, it really didn't matter much to me anymore and I just didn't care. It was already in the bag looong time ago.
Went for a graduation trip right after that, going down south from Malacca to JB back to Ipoh and Penang. What a trip it was, something that just involved us moving around without too much of a plan or hassle. Met the person that broke my heart again, but I was way past him this time.
Graduation!!! Didn't feel as great as imagined. But well, it's the rites of passage of this modern age and I am through! Ah well, no big deal, just a First Class. It's just a piece of paper, Finally understood what the IQ meant, Kind of in the few percent of humans, no wonder people don't understand most of the stuff that I want to discuss about. As petty as ever. Kind of hard to find people that can relate and will want to date me haha. Too deep.
After much contemplation, decided on a job that had the opportunity to travel around the world. Looking back, this year has kind of been great for me with plenty of new experiences. Come early November, finally went to America. The flight was exhausting, but at the end of the day the trip was worth it I guess. Experienced the american culture and stayed in a pretty posh hotel got to know a couple of awesome people.
September, the month where my denial ended. Had a couple of dates and chats and started to understand this world better. My categorising skills start to come in handy. No doubt, I still have plenty to learn, but it's a start.
December, the end of the year. Went to stay in the five star hotel that I was standing in front of wondering when I will ever be able stay in that in July. I guess life really has a knack of giving you what you wish for haha. That's why people always say becareful of what you wish for.
Came to the realisation that there is no such thing as a perfect job. Everyone of us has a couple of things we prioritise in life as long as the job that you are holding on to allows you to accomplish that, it is worth doing for the time being.
It's a pretty brief summary of whatever that has happened over the past year. Truth be told, I have learnt so so so much over the past year. I have learnt to read people better, learnt to utilise my senses better, learnt to love myself even more.
The ending questions to my future self, who will I fall in love with next? Where will I end up working and staying? Will I ever marry? Will I have kids? Will I be here?
Whatever it is, I hope you are living a great life as you are reading this. Even if you are not, remember to appreciate the little things around you because those are the packets of joy that will carry you through. I love you and Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
The start of a new bold chapter
Well, well, well. A year has gone by without the voice of me being projected out to the world it seems. How quiet have I become of late. A couple of things prevented me from writing freely and I guess being afraid was one of them. But enough is enough, the denial has to stop and so here I am again, finally accepting my identity my true self. I have come to the realisation that everyone has all but one life and living in a lie is just not going to cut it anymore. The misery of hiding will slowly overwhelm me, that is something I know for certain. Therefore, I have given myself the liberation to love and to care for whoever I want even though it may upset the people closest to me, so be it.
I realised that I have to live my own life and not the life that is expected of me. Thus far I have been living the life of the expected guy, the guy who excels in studies, the guy who secures a good job, the guy who helps people in need, the guy that everyone goes to when in trouble and yet despite all that people still always demand something more from me, they still always take me for granted. I guess the notion of having your heart broken so many times up to the point where you no longer cares holds true here. The pain that I experienced a year ago thought me much about life. Never in my life I have loved someone so deeply and never in my life I have been hurt so badly. Through that, I experienced the emotions that I had never felt before and let me tell you it was worth it until today. I know for a fact that if I can find someone to love again, I'll be able to uncover and feel new emotions that will enhance and colour my life even more and so I am hopeful once again in discovering love even with the threat of disaster in the name of rebellion. I announce here that I AM A REBEL.
Acknowledging that I will no longer conform to the norms of the society is truly liberating. I know that in a couple of year's time, I just have to leave this place for good. Staying with my parents has its perks but at the end of the day the shackles that bind me is just too much to bear. Moving out by the next will certainly force me into independence and by the 3rd I hope I would have summoned enough courage to drive myself out.
I was taught by this tv show that at the end of the day, everyone will be judged by the courage of their heart. I will not be a coward anymore and I shall stand for what I believe is right. Learnt a great deal over the past year. I can say that I have grown up quite a lot. My ability to pick up scents is still going great and as usual I learn to classify them into a girly or a manly one.
Treating myself to an upcoming comedy show and well I hope it will be a great one. I will probably be trying to talk to everyone as I am going on my own this time. A lot of times, the attachment with the people you know prevents you from breaking out of your comfort zone to build a new relationship with people out there. So, by doing this I hope I will have more strength and courage to do what I always imagine myself doing.
Analysing the past has taught me a great deal and I have start to realise the people that matter and the people that will judge me for everything that I do and try to compare me to their achievements. Screw it I say, I simply could not care less about them anymore. People who put on a fake smile just hoping that I will be of use to them screw them all. I am doing just fine with everything that I have right now and I am so incredibly grateful for my life every single day.
Over the course of the year I have developed compassion and kindness and have learnt to deal with jealousy and ungratefulness. The positive mindset that I practice right now is truly enlightening and liberating. I no longer stress myself over petty little things and I am living each day to the fullest. That is the greatest feeling ever that I have.
Life is great my friend,
why ruin it with pettiness,
when you can celebrate it,
with kindness and compassion?
Love like there is no tomorrow,
and continue living with the abundance of love!
I realised that I have to live my own life and not the life that is expected of me. Thus far I have been living the life of the expected guy, the guy who excels in studies, the guy who secures a good job, the guy who helps people in need, the guy that everyone goes to when in trouble and yet despite all that people still always demand something more from me, they still always take me for granted. I guess the notion of having your heart broken so many times up to the point where you no longer cares holds true here. The pain that I experienced a year ago thought me much about life. Never in my life I have loved someone so deeply and never in my life I have been hurt so badly. Through that, I experienced the emotions that I had never felt before and let me tell you it was worth it until today. I know for a fact that if I can find someone to love again, I'll be able to uncover and feel new emotions that will enhance and colour my life even more and so I am hopeful once again in discovering love even with the threat of disaster in the name of rebellion. I announce here that I AM A REBEL.
Acknowledging that I will no longer conform to the norms of the society is truly liberating. I know that in a couple of year's time, I just have to leave this place for good. Staying with my parents has its perks but at the end of the day the shackles that bind me is just too much to bear. Moving out by the next will certainly force me into independence and by the 3rd I hope I would have summoned enough courage to drive myself out.
I was taught by this tv show that at the end of the day, everyone will be judged by the courage of their heart. I will not be a coward anymore and I shall stand for what I believe is right. Learnt a great deal over the past year. I can say that I have grown up quite a lot. My ability to pick up scents is still going great and as usual I learn to classify them into a girly or a manly one.
Treating myself to an upcoming comedy show and well I hope it will be a great one. I will probably be trying to talk to everyone as I am going on my own this time. A lot of times, the attachment with the people you know prevents you from breaking out of your comfort zone to build a new relationship with people out there. So, by doing this I hope I will have more strength and courage to do what I always imagine myself doing.
Analysing the past has taught me a great deal and I have start to realise the people that matter and the people that will judge me for everything that I do and try to compare me to their achievements. Screw it I say, I simply could not care less about them anymore. People who put on a fake smile just hoping that I will be of use to them screw them all. I am doing just fine with everything that I have right now and I am so incredibly grateful for my life every single day.
Over the course of the year I have developed compassion and kindness and have learnt to deal with jealousy and ungratefulness. The positive mindset that I practice right now is truly enlightening and liberating. I no longer stress myself over petty little things and I am living each day to the fullest. That is the greatest feeling ever that I have.
Life is great my friend,
why ruin it with pettiness,
when you can celebrate it,
with kindness and compassion?
Love like there is no tomorrow,
and continue living with the abundance of love!
Saturday, June 7, 2014
The end of the 3rd as we know it....
As I am sipping beer while listening to my favourite songs... A sense of calm descends upon me. For the first time in the last couple of days I feel calm not worrying about things nor emoing. The past few days had been tough for me. Losing someone I loved so dearly was really painful for me. But I suppose at the end of it all I just couldn't be selfish. Life is just so isn't it? That's how we learn how we grow up to be a better person. I learnt to love, learnt to express my feelings without fear and I guess that is something different about me since the start of the year. Although I have been relentlessly seeking for company the last 2 days I guess the pain is starting to ebb away. Yeah it still hurts occasionally but well I have so many things to look forward to right?
So what has happened for the last semester? Let me recall... Hmm, at the start of it, I continued sticking to the previous company and becoming increasingly invisible and taken for granted every single day. Slowly, I was fading into invisibility and it wasn't really that much fun. The unhappiness got to me at the end of it as I was feeling more miserable with each passing day and was starting to pick on trivial things. Putting down people way too much and starting to develop hatred towards them. I guess these are all the signs of being unhappy in a group.
Sprained my ankle one day. Hurt so bad cause it swelled so bad, went to the physio cracked some bones. Got back some strength. But above all, they showed some concern but that lasted a brief moment. I can't say I didn't appreciate that but well at the end of it all, it was business as usual. Haha. Falling into invisibility was my specialty I guess. Stress? Perhaps it was I don't know.
Hovercraft came along, I was glad I didn't choose to skip it. Things got very very late, and I spent a night at a friend's place. Turned out that, he was a great guy so great that I fell in love with him. I guess that's why they call it falling in love because you really have no control of your feelings when it does happen. Got into a lot of late night talks with him got to know him so much better and the best thing was that he understood me, accepted me and gave me the warmth that I needed in life, well that's just the best thing ever. No idea if he loved me back but well, that's life right?
After knowing him I kind of left my old group. I guess it kind of felt wrong at first but I didn't care. I was too happy being with him that I just didn't want to lose him. Disaster struck, they got kicked out and moved in. Was it a blessing for me? Perhaps it was. Really got to feel the warmth of his body. Perhaps it was a violation of his privacy I just didn't care. I loved him too much.
I have changed so much indeed. If I were 3 years ago, I would have studied at home. The me now, abandoned home for time with friends. A big change indeed. Life is short, time is limited, the books aren't going to be what you remember after you have graduated it's the memories that you created that count, the way people make you feel that will be imbued for life in your mind.
Last few days was tough for me, mustering the strength to give a perfect farewell to him. It wasn't that perfect but well, memories stick eh, I get sentimental each time I go back to that place. It's like something I need to distance myself for a while. Ah well, who knows how long it really takes for me to recover haha. Who knows?
I guess I am starting my internship with Dr. Wong soon... Looking forward to that... Telling myself to work as hard as I possibly can to prove myself. Now that the competition is in front of you. It's really your chance to prove your doubters wrong.
After all that ranting haha I guess mt eyes are closing adi. Oh yeah I went to tioman for my after exams trip was fun as well as the place where I confessed. Hmm, so that's how a confession feels like haha. I guess that's it for now, tiredness is taking over now. Good nightz.
Loving someone feels really great when the both of you enjoy each other's company.
When the time for separation has arrived it hurts so much that words just can't describe it.
You start to forget when the physical presence of the other person is no longer here.
But you still try to hang on to whatever fond memories that you possess.
Love is really something so good to have.
I really hope I can find another person to love this much for. Loveeeee.......
So what has happened for the last semester? Let me recall... Hmm, at the start of it, I continued sticking to the previous company and becoming increasingly invisible and taken for granted every single day. Slowly, I was fading into invisibility and it wasn't really that much fun. The unhappiness got to me at the end of it as I was feeling more miserable with each passing day and was starting to pick on trivial things. Putting down people way too much and starting to develop hatred towards them. I guess these are all the signs of being unhappy in a group.
Sprained my ankle one day. Hurt so bad cause it swelled so bad, went to the physio cracked some bones. Got back some strength. But above all, they showed some concern but that lasted a brief moment. I can't say I didn't appreciate that but well at the end of it all, it was business as usual. Haha. Falling into invisibility was my specialty I guess. Stress? Perhaps it was I don't know.
Hovercraft came along, I was glad I didn't choose to skip it. Things got very very late, and I spent a night at a friend's place. Turned out that, he was a great guy so great that I fell in love with him. I guess that's why they call it falling in love because you really have no control of your feelings when it does happen. Got into a lot of late night talks with him got to know him so much better and the best thing was that he understood me, accepted me and gave me the warmth that I needed in life, well that's just the best thing ever. No idea if he loved me back but well, that's life right?
After knowing him I kind of left my old group. I guess it kind of felt wrong at first but I didn't care. I was too happy being with him that I just didn't want to lose him. Disaster struck, they got kicked out and moved in. Was it a blessing for me? Perhaps it was. Really got to feel the warmth of his body. Perhaps it was a violation of his privacy I just didn't care. I loved him too much.
I have changed so much indeed. If I were 3 years ago, I would have studied at home. The me now, abandoned home for time with friends. A big change indeed. Life is short, time is limited, the books aren't going to be what you remember after you have graduated it's the memories that you created that count, the way people make you feel that will be imbued for life in your mind.
Last few days was tough for me, mustering the strength to give a perfect farewell to him. It wasn't that perfect but well, memories stick eh, I get sentimental each time I go back to that place. It's like something I need to distance myself for a while. Ah well, who knows how long it really takes for me to recover haha. Who knows?
I guess I am starting my internship with Dr. Wong soon... Looking forward to that... Telling myself to work as hard as I possibly can to prove myself. Now that the competition is in front of you. It's really your chance to prove your doubters wrong.
After all that ranting haha I guess mt eyes are closing adi. Oh yeah I went to tioman for my after exams trip was fun as well as the place where I confessed. Hmm, so that's how a confession feels like haha. I guess that's it for now, tiredness is taking over now. Good nightz.
Loving someone feels really great when the both of you enjoy each other's company.
When the time for separation has arrived it hurts so much that words just can't describe it.
You start to forget when the physical presence of the other person is no longer here.
But you still try to hang on to whatever fond memories that you possess.
Love is really something so good to have.
I really hope I can find another person to love this much for. Loveeeee.......
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Love Letter to Someone I Truly Care About
Here's my love letter to you.
Before you creep out and tear this apart, please read on...
It is not everyday that I get to love someone this much and to muster the courage to profess it.
The bliss which I got from you throughout these weeks was truly amazing. I look forward to every single day instead of dreading it.
Perhaps it was fate on that day that I was to spend a night at your place after that disastrous competition. I happen to be a guy who believes that everything happens for a reason. Well, getting to know you better that night was truly great. Having fallen into my comfort zone of meeting the same people over and over again, I felt that I was on the verge of disappearing into the cloak of invisibility. Meeting you really changed that. You breathed life back into mine and gave me enthusiasm to face my daily struggles with optimism instead of pessimism.
I like how energetic you get just like a little kid to brighten up my day. I like the optimism that you possess each day to face the daily struggles in life. I like your graciousness and unrelenting kindness that you showered towards others. I certainly like your honesty and your humbleness in your everyday life. I like the stories that you tell of which I can relate to at times. I like how good looking you are every single day and certainly your fondness of A.L in music. I like the way you smile and your seriousness as well as your stubbornness because that's just who you are.
The physical proximity which I got from you really filled out the emptiness that I faced in my heart. Being able to feel your warmth was truly something amazing. I am really sorry if I overstepped my boundaries but I crave for a hug everytime I see you. I just want you to know that I really care and I wish that you do too. You probably noticed the barrage of messages which I have been sending lately. I am sorry to be spamming you but I just can't stop thinking of you. The time waiting for your replies sometimes just kills me on the inside. I just don't want to lose the bliss which I got from you and I truly hope that you understand.
Please forgive me because I can't stop loving you. Whatever your decision is, I will respect it. Please let me know what you think because I am dying each day trying to figure out what I should really do when I meet you. Regardless of the outcome, I am just so glad to have you as my friend. In my time of need you were there for me and I am just glad to be able to be there for you in your time of need. Reminds me of the song 'Count on Me' by Bruno Mars...
At the end of it all, I just want you to know that I love you for who you are and nothing more.
Before you creep out and tear this apart, please read on...
It is not everyday that I get to love someone this much and to muster the courage to profess it.
The bliss which I got from you throughout these weeks was truly amazing. I look forward to every single day instead of dreading it.
Perhaps it was fate on that day that I was to spend a night at your place after that disastrous competition. I happen to be a guy who believes that everything happens for a reason. Well, getting to know you better that night was truly great. Having fallen into my comfort zone of meeting the same people over and over again, I felt that I was on the verge of disappearing into the cloak of invisibility. Meeting you really changed that. You breathed life back into mine and gave me enthusiasm to face my daily struggles with optimism instead of pessimism.
I like how energetic you get just like a little kid to brighten up my day. I like the optimism that you possess each day to face the daily struggles in life. I like your graciousness and unrelenting kindness that you showered towards others. I certainly like your honesty and your humbleness in your everyday life. I like the stories that you tell of which I can relate to at times. I like how good looking you are every single day and certainly your fondness of A.L in music. I like the way you smile and your seriousness as well as your stubbornness because that's just who you are.
The physical proximity which I got from you really filled out the emptiness that I faced in my heart. Being able to feel your warmth was truly something amazing. I am really sorry if I overstepped my boundaries but I crave for a hug everytime I see you. I just want you to know that I really care and I wish that you do too. You probably noticed the barrage of messages which I have been sending lately. I am sorry to be spamming you but I just can't stop thinking of you. The time waiting for your replies sometimes just kills me on the inside. I just don't want to lose the bliss which I got from you and I truly hope that you understand.
Please forgive me because I can't stop loving you. Whatever your decision is, I will respect it. Please let me know what you think because I am dying each day trying to figure out what I should really do when I meet you. Regardless of the outcome, I am just so glad to have you as my friend. In my time of need you were there for me and I am just glad to be able to be there for you in your time of need. Reminds me of the song 'Count on Me' by Bruno Mars...
At the end of it all, I just want you to know that I love you for who you are and nothing more.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Update
Hey there,
Just to write another summary of whatever it is at this particularly late hour. Just a brief take of whatever that has transpired. I don't feel amazing at the moment probably because I just betrayed a close friend's trust and i just feel like I have violated every single principle that I stand for. Maybe I am just a hypocrite, but hey everyone makes mistakes right, I am not trying to find an excuse to justify my wrong doing but well what else can I do. As the say trust is like a piece of mirror, once broken it will never be the same again. So all I can do right now is to reflect on the past and just hope to never repeat that again. I am really sorry my friend.
On another matter, I just did pretty well in my exams unexpectedly. My average in my first semester is once again 88. Yeah 'fat fat'. Oh yeah on that note, I did pretty well in gambling this time. As they say people born in the year of the goat will be very lucky this year so I hope that steak continues haha.
Anyways I am bloody tired right now and I am going to sleep adi Nightzzzz.
Just to write another summary of whatever it is at this particularly late hour. Just a brief take of whatever that has transpired. I don't feel amazing at the moment probably because I just betrayed a close friend's trust and i just feel like I have violated every single principle that I stand for. Maybe I am just a hypocrite, but hey everyone makes mistakes right, I am not trying to find an excuse to justify my wrong doing but well what else can I do. As the say trust is like a piece of mirror, once broken it will never be the same again. So all I can do right now is to reflect on the past and just hope to never repeat that again. I am really sorry my friend.
On another matter, I just did pretty well in my exams unexpectedly. My average in my first semester is once again 88. Yeah 'fat fat'. Oh yeah on that note, I did pretty well in gambling this time. As they say people born in the year of the goat will be very lucky this year so I hope that steak continues haha.
Anyways I am bloody tired right now and I am going to sleep adi Nightzzzz.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Hi there again, it's probably been 4 months down the road of my eventful life since my last posting. Somehow, it seems like I tend to get the inspiration to blog a post whenever I start feeling a little lonely. Well well, let's start updating myself on the events that had occurred over the past 4 months.
Let's start where I left off shall we? Well, as mentioned before, right after my great Penang trip, came the most daunting part of all which is the internship. One might wonder why on earth did I use the word daunting right? No, it's not because I was nervous though I got to admit the first day is always filled with butterflies in your stomach. It's because of the most unexpected of bosses that I had met. Being constantly scolded for something that you can't do is really demoralising and at times it makes you feel so helpless. Being bombarded with derogatory remarks after that was confidence sapping and to add the icing on the cake, threats of being harmed physically came soon after. I guess the final straw was when a fellow intern was fired for an equally unreasonable excuse. I knew I had to bolt out regardless of what is going to happen to my industrial training report. Take the damn risk I told myself. Luckily and thankfully a course mate of mine came to my err rescue? haha, I guess being helpful and gracious to people is always a good thing, as they always say what comes around goes around.
Securing my second internship was really a huge sigh of relief for me I would say. Over there, I learnt quite a lot of important stuff even though most of it is just technical skills. But who knows right, in the very distant future or perhaps even not so distant one, those skills that I acquired might be my saving grace. Haha. As they always say, no lesson is a waste. Actually I made that up myself lol. But I truly stand by that.
Sometimes, I really wonder why on earth am I keeping a blog when my memory is so damn good, haha, believe it or not I can still remember the textbooks contents and my examination marks from my secondary days. But I guess, sometimes, we are all just equally afraid of age that catches up with us no matter how hard we try to distance ourselves from it. Lately I realised that I am having a little trouble remembering names. For some reason I am forgetting people's name even some of my cousin's name. Pretty weird huh? Maybe my bran is just slowing down due to the lack of usage of it? Haha, getting dumber by the day eh?
Oh yeah before I forget, there was that equally amazing and wonderful trip that I went to in the east part of my country to be specific Miri. Thanks to my friend P, we went to so many places and even another country (my 2nd overseas country) Brunei. Went to caves, waterfall, trekking jungles, singing karaoke, visiting another university and not to mention the super tasty food I guess the great part is that I learnt a great deal as well while I was there. Building a great rapport with my friends was the greatest thing I guess, even though I am totally annoyed with the bloody emo king, but well, who cares right when we all had so much fun and food. Hehe.
The third year of my semester has started, and well this time around I need to complete my third year project with a completely new lecturer who is a nightmare to everyone when he claims that he doesn't know anything. But I guess life can't ever be dull, not even for a second because that is the only thing that confirms that we are alive and kicking. Or maybe it's just me? Haha, who cares right? No one does, selfish is the word that my friends preach and well I am asked to practice it. But I don't have the conscience to do that. Perhaps people will brand me as a weakling but to hell with what people think. I have a dream, a vision where one day all mankind will help one another without pondering on the reward or gain that they will get in return of their deed. I'll just have to prove to everyone that you can be successful even though you are gracious and helpful to everyone.
I just care too much for ZH to leave him aside and watch him sink. I really can't explain why I am so attached to him, for god's sake he has a companion already so what am I hoping for? I really don't know, I can't suppress my feelings even though I know it's a gooner. So why? Haha, another puzzle to figure out.
Oh yeah, I need to figure out the mobile robot that I am going to build this semester. Most likely it's going to be a stair climber. I really do wonder if I'll ever going to complete this. Well, I guess I'll allow future me to answer this. Hehe. The game that I love to play. And of course by then, I hope that I have solved the puzzle to loneliness. Ah well, life is full of twists and turns and we learn the way to make them straight every time we crossed one of the twist or even turn.
Hate a little less, love a little more,
frown a little less, smile a little more,
even though it's filled with insincerity,
no one will ever see through the pain in your eyes,
or even feel the loneliness in you heart,
because life is such a puzzle,
that only you and you alone can solve.
Till next time then I guess, stay strong and smart and be nice to everyone, don't make enemies, make allies, sometimes, feelings are to be ignored to be effective. Remember that, my self....
Let's start where I left off shall we? Well, as mentioned before, right after my great Penang trip, came the most daunting part of all which is the internship. One might wonder why on earth did I use the word daunting right? No, it's not because I was nervous though I got to admit the first day is always filled with butterflies in your stomach. It's because of the most unexpected of bosses that I had met. Being constantly scolded for something that you can't do is really demoralising and at times it makes you feel so helpless. Being bombarded with derogatory remarks after that was confidence sapping and to add the icing on the cake, threats of being harmed physically came soon after. I guess the final straw was when a fellow intern was fired for an equally unreasonable excuse. I knew I had to bolt out regardless of what is going to happen to my industrial training report. Take the damn risk I told myself. Luckily and thankfully a course mate of mine came to my err rescue? haha, I guess being helpful and gracious to people is always a good thing, as they always say what comes around goes around.
Securing my second internship was really a huge sigh of relief for me I would say. Over there, I learnt quite a lot of important stuff even though most of it is just technical skills. But who knows right, in the very distant future or perhaps even not so distant one, those skills that I acquired might be my saving grace. Haha. As they always say, no lesson is a waste. Actually I made that up myself lol. But I truly stand by that.
Sometimes, I really wonder why on earth am I keeping a blog when my memory is so damn good, haha, believe it or not I can still remember the textbooks contents and my examination marks from my secondary days. But I guess, sometimes, we are all just equally afraid of age that catches up with us no matter how hard we try to distance ourselves from it. Lately I realised that I am having a little trouble remembering names. For some reason I am forgetting people's name even some of my cousin's name. Pretty weird huh? Maybe my bran is just slowing down due to the lack of usage of it? Haha, getting dumber by the day eh?
Oh yeah before I forget, there was that equally amazing and wonderful trip that I went to in the east part of my country to be specific Miri. Thanks to my friend P, we went to so many places and even another country (my 2nd overseas country) Brunei. Went to caves, waterfall, trekking jungles, singing karaoke, visiting another university and not to mention the super tasty food I guess the great part is that I learnt a great deal as well while I was there. Building a great rapport with my friends was the greatest thing I guess, even though I am totally annoyed with the bloody emo king, but well, who cares right when we all had so much fun and food. Hehe.
The third year of my semester has started, and well this time around I need to complete my third year project with a completely new lecturer who is a nightmare to everyone when he claims that he doesn't know anything. But I guess life can't ever be dull, not even for a second because that is the only thing that confirms that we are alive and kicking. Or maybe it's just me? Haha, who cares right? No one does, selfish is the word that my friends preach and well I am asked to practice it. But I don't have the conscience to do that. Perhaps people will brand me as a weakling but to hell with what people think. I have a dream, a vision where one day all mankind will help one another without pondering on the reward or gain that they will get in return of their deed. I'll just have to prove to everyone that you can be successful even though you are gracious and helpful to everyone.
I just care too much for ZH to leave him aside and watch him sink. I really can't explain why I am so attached to him, for god's sake he has a companion already so what am I hoping for? I really don't know, I can't suppress my feelings even though I know it's a gooner. So why? Haha, another puzzle to figure out.
Oh yeah, I need to figure out the mobile robot that I am going to build this semester. Most likely it's going to be a stair climber. I really do wonder if I'll ever going to complete this. Well, I guess I'll allow future me to answer this. Hehe. The game that I love to play. And of course by then, I hope that I have solved the puzzle to loneliness. Ah well, life is full of twists and turns and we learn the way to make them straight every time we crossed one of the twist or even turn.
Hate a little less, love a little more,
frown a little less, smile a little more,
even though it's filled with insincerity,
no one will ever see through the pain in your eyes,
or even feel the loneliness in you heart,
because life is such a puzzle,
that only you and you alone can solve.
Till next time then I guess, stay strong and smart and be nice to everyone, don't make enemies, make allies, sometimes, feelings are to be ignored to be effective. Remember that, my self....
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Post Penang Trip
Yehhh, yet another posting after a meaningful trip. Well, after going for another 3 days 2 nights trip at the northern part of my beloved country, I am super duper tired right now. Never thought writing a blog would be so incredibly tiring. I have so much to blog about yet so little energy... Arghhh...
I'll cut it short then, so let's start with the first day. As usual, me, SY and YS took the midnight bus to the north and well, this time around the bus turned up pretty late and well, I broke a little sweat while waiting for it. And without any doubt the 2 of them were bickering all day long.... Children...
The notable difference was probably YS had a love interest even though I suspect that this is just a cover up. I usually am good at predicting people's intention and stuff haha, so maybe this is right after all.
So, when we arrived, ZH picked us up from the bus station and the moment we arrived at his house we went straight to sleep. You know, we were just tired...
I think it was about 9am, YS started waking us up, but the silly thing was that, he tried waking us up with the lights off, and well unsurprisingly we find him pretty annoying because that's just what happens to people who wake others up. But to be honest, I am starting to be bothered by his sulking attitude. If there is one thing that I hate the most it would be being taken for granted and right now I have a feeling that he is doing that and obviously I have every right to feel a little annoyed by his childish behaviour. Anyways enough of that.
So, we went to the Escape theme park after that, and boy it was such a challenge. Who would have expected such an exhausting day when we first walked in. Clearly unfit, I huffed and puffed all the way when I was pulling the sliding seat uphill. Next time, do remember to get yourself up to shape before entering any of these theme parks or your money will go to waste. We went for the obstacle course after that, and to supposedly save time, we decided to go straight up to level 2. Challenging was the word to descirbe the obstacle courses that we went through but I am proud to say that all of us completed level 2! It was funny though to see some people nearly fainting while trying to complete them and one girl totally freaking out by the height of the course. Haha.
The flying fox was quite fun, but the landing part can sometimes to a pain in the well almost everywhere because there is a freakishly high tendency of your back facing the net that you were supposed to grab. All in all I had a couple of scratches and thinned skin probably from all the rope grabbing and tree climbing and also a very painful thigh from the mid-air suspension. Haha. Luckily I didn't have my crotches squeezed up too badly, it happened only once when I didn't tighten the harness properly during the tree-climbing and boy it hurts.
I am going to stop blogging for now but there is more to come another day. I stumbled across a couple of things this time around, although I shouldn't be snooping around other people's stuff but well, I did and I found the outdated blog of his haha. Evil me... Anyways I hate the fact that he is constantly looking for me to help it's like can you not expect me to help you all the time? I hate the feeling of expectations you know and I just hate to be told what to do...
I'll cut it short then, so let's start with the first day. As usual, me, SY and YS took the midnight bus to the north and well, this time around the bus turned up pretty late and well, I broke a little sweat while waiting for it. And without any doubt the 2 of them were bickering all day long.... Children...
The notable difference was probably YS had a love interest even though I suspect that this is just a cover up. I usually am good at predicting people's intention and stuff haha, so maybe this is right after all.
So, when we arrived, ZH picked us up from the bus station and the moment we arrived at his house we went straight to sleep. You know, we were just tired...
I think it was about 9am, YS started waking us up, but the silly thing was that, he tried waking us up with the lights off, and well unsurprisingly we find him pretty annoying because that's just what happens to people who wake others up. But to be honest, I am starting to be bothered by his sulking attitude. If there is one thing that I hate the most it would be being taken for granted and right now I have a feeling that he is doing that and obviously I have every right to feel a little annoyed by his childish behaviour. Anyways enough of that.
So, we went to the Escape theme park after that, and boy it was such a challenge. Who would have expected such an exhausting day when we first walked in. Clearly unfit, I huffed and puffed all the way when I was pulling the sliding seat uphill. Next time, do remember to get yourself up to shape before entering any of these theme parks or your money will go to waste. We went for the obstacle course after that, and to supposedly save time, we decided to go straight up to level 2. Challenging was the word to descirbe the obstacle courses that we went through but I am proud to say that all of us completed level 2! It was funny though to see some people nearly fainting while trying to complete them and one girl totally freaking out by the height of the course. Haha.
The flying fox was quite fun, but the landing part can sometimes to a pain in the well almost everywhere because there is a freakishly high tendency of your back facing the net that you were supposed to grab. All in all I had a couple of scratches and thinned skin probably from all the rope grabbing and tree climbing and also a very painful thigh from the mid-air suspension. Haha. Luckily I didn't have my crotches squeezed up too badly, it happened only once when I didn't tighten the harness properly during the tree-climbing and boy it hurts.
I am going to stop blogging for now but there is more to come another day. I stumbled across a couple of things this time around, although I shouldn't be snooping around other people's stuff but well, I did and I found the outdated blog of his haha. Evil me... Anyways I hate the fact that he is constantly looking for me to help it's like can you not expect me to help you all the time? I hate the feeling of expectations you know and I just hate to be told what to do...
Sunday, May 19, 2013
The End of the 2nd Year
Greetings people,
After a gruelling and crazy not to mention extremely crammed exam period, I am finally free yet again. I am just going to use the 'free' word loosely this time around because ah well, my first internship is coming up pretty soon and its freaking 4 months long. Thinking about all the stories that I have to tell, I guess it is very likely that I'll have to split all of that into a couple of posts.
Alright let's start off with my exams afterthought. This time, due to the extremely insufficient amount of time that was allocated to us (it's just 1 week of study break), I think I did pretty badly and there is even a slight perhaps moderate possibility of me losing my 25%. But it has all passed and there really isn't any good thinking too much about it anymore, I guess the lesson to take from this is probably that I shouldn't over indulged myself in overtly childish act for instance, dota-ing almost every single week when I am with my impulsive yet fun housemates. OH well, it's over so let's just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.
So, let's get to the chase. The main reason that I am spending some time writing this post. Looking back on the past year, it made me realised that by living together with my housemates, I get to learn a little more about all of them. Let's start with the one that we have been gossiping so much about. The totally immature, SY. I guess we can't really blame him entirely on his immaturity as we didn't really do much to help him attain the mature mind that can really help in diffusing his volatile girlfriend. Just to keep this into my archive, a really big fight occurred during my stay in Pelangi that involved a couple of my friends and from the looks of it, it all blew up due to the accumulation of little things that some people couldn't and wouldn't tolerate. I don't want to put the blame on anyone in particular, but I guess everyone played a part in the lead up to this disastrous explosion of temper.
After giving this whole episode a very deep thought, I realised that one thing that I couldn't quite live with is the fact that a guy can totally give up on his identity just to please the girl that he supposedly loves. Perhaps it takes a very long and arduous time for anyone to find their own identity, but it is a very important process that none of us can afford to ignore. Your identity is the thing that makes you who you are and nobody should ever take that away from you. I am never supportive of an early relationship because emotionally fragile people can get scarred forever if unprecedented things happen.
In life, don't ever let anyone take away the noble values that you have because we must always remember to change for the better and not for the worst. As friends, we are supposed to neutralised those unhealthy habits by constantly reminding each other of our flaws and not allow those bad and toxic habits to fester and turn us into monsters that we one day can't recognise. In his situation, he never should have left her to constantly throw a fit whenever she is not happy as that is just going to morph her into an uncontrollable beast in near future. And one definite thing is that he needs to grow up and fast. If he is constantly dictated, one day he will wake up and realised that there is nothing left of him in him and he has become her. As we all know one of the main excuse that one use for a breakup is that the other person has changed and is no longer the person that they know anymore. I am contemplating of talking to him about this but I am pretty sure that I can't do it fluently in chinese but at the end of the day I am just going to do my best.
Time for my lunch, I'll write more about how I got my internship next time as well as the happenings in my 2nd semester and whatever is it that I'll be thinking about. I need glucose now! Till next time then. :)
'Your identity is all you have, never lose or change it for anyone else, or one day you will wake up not knowing the person that you are in.'
After a gruelling and crazy not to mention extremely crammed exam period, I am finally free yet again. I am just going to use the 'free' word loosely this time around because ah well, my first internship is coming up pretty soon and its freaking 4 months long. Thinking about all the stories that I have to tell, I guess it is very likely that I'll have to split all of that into a couple of posts.
Alright let's start off with my exams afterthought. This time, due to the extremely insufficient amount of time that was allocated to us (it's just 1 week of study break), I think I did pretty badly and there is even a slight perhaps moderate possibility of me losing my 25%. But it has all passed and there really isn't any good thinking too much about it anymore, I guess the lesson to take from this is probably that I shouldn't over indulged myself in overtly childish act for instance, dota-ing almost every single week when I am with my impulsive yet fun housemates. OH well, it's over so let's just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.
So, let's get to the chase. The main reason that I am spending some time writing this post. Looking back on the past year, it made me realised that by living together with my housemates, I get to learn a little more about all of them. Let's start with the one that we have been gossiping so much about. The totally immature, SY. I guess we can't really blame him entirely on his immaturity as we didn't really do much to help him attain the mature mind that can really help in diffusing his volatile girlfriend. Just to keep this into my archive, a really big fight occurred during my stay in Pelangi that involved a couple of my friends and from the looks of it, it all blew up due to the accumulation of little things that some people couldn't and wouldn't tolerate. I don't want to put the blame on anyone in particular, but I guess everyone played a part in the lead up to this disastrous explosion of temper.
After giving this whole episode a very deep thought, I realised that one thing that I couldn't quite live with is the fact that a guy can totally give up on his identity just to please the girl that he supposedly loves. Perhaps it takes a very long and arduous time for anyone to find their own identity, but it is a very important process that none of us can afford to ignore. Your identity is the thing that makes you who you are and nobody should ever take that away from you. I am never supportive of an early relationship because emotionally fragile people can get scarred forever if unprecedented things happen.
In life, don't ever let anyone take away the noble values that you have because we must always remember to change for the better and not for the worst. As friends, we are supposed to neutralised those unhealthy habits by constantly reminding each other of our flaws and not allow those bad and toxic habits to fester and turn us into monsters that we one day can't recognise. In his situation, he never should have left her to constantly throw a fit whenever she is not happy as that is just going to morph her into an uncontrollable beast in near future. And one definite thing is that he needs to grow up and fast. If he is constantly dictated, one day he will wake up and realised that there is nothing left of him in him and he has become her. As we all know one of the main excuse that one use for a breakup is that the other person has changed and is no longer the person that they know anymore. I am contemplating of talking to him about this but I am pretty sure that I can't do it fluently in chinese but at the end of the day I am just going to do my best.
Time for my lunch, I'll write more about how I got my internship next time as well as the happenings in my 2nd semester and whatever is it that I'll be thinking about. I need glucose now! Till next time then. :)
'Your identity is all you have, never lose or change it for anyone else, or one day you will wake up not knowing the person that you are in.'
Friday, March 1, 2013
First Posting in Pelangi haha
Ah well, after another long hiatus (seems to be the norm for me these days haha), I have some thoughts to pen (more like type down) down. Just to make sure that future me remembers when this actually is, I am currently in the second semester of my second year and well I am trying not too stress myself out too much these days. But no matter what it is that I do, life seems to always have some weird funny way of triggering the long forgotten dormant feelings that is trapped deep down inside of me. The green eyed monster that is always there has surfaced again and this time well i managed to keep it at bay without much of a thought thanks to the company of my good friends who constantly bring joy into my life.
Even though I still doubt that they'll truly understand me, I have come to know all of them better through some long late night talks and all. Going to Jin's place has made me realised how close room mates can become when they spend lots of time in their cosy rooms together. But well, I don't think I'll ever achieve that milestone with my current room mate as well we don't really talk much about things let alone close-to-heart matters. But who knows right? Things will always change in just a matter of days although I am pretty skeptical about it.
Judging from current events, pretty soon this house will only have one lonely guy that will remain as single as anyone can be, that is me. Kind of depressing when you put it that way you know haha. But well, as I type away freely there are so many things that keep flooding my mine that I want to pen down to ensure that I don't forget about it. One of it would probably my strong desire to help kiddo friend ZH. I don't quite know how I should put my finger on it but this current situation has forced me to reconsider the whole point of going to university and to decide on what is wrong and what is right. But at the end of the day, I guess the realisation that I got about 5 years ago saying that there is no such thing as right or wrong it's just a matter of perspective comes into mind. Perhaps the whole point of coming to a university is more than just studying, and sometimes even though your priority is not on studies, you can still succeed in the future. At the end of it all, I guess we are all on a path to figure out our futures and yeah it's not going to be as straight-forward or easy as you think. Hopefully I will discover it sooner rather than later.
Well, the tiredness is really starting to kick in. The quest to find someone I can fully trust and hopefully can comprehend my situation continues I guess. Perhaps those people that are currently in my life will be the answer to that but for the time being I guess I should continue to be who I am and do what I usually do best that is kicking everyone else's asses in studies. Haha. Till next time then I guess hahahaha.
Even though I still doubt that they'll truly understand me, I have come to know all of them better through some long late night talks and all. Going to Jin's place has made me realised how close room mates can become when they spend lots of time in their cosy rooms together. But well, I don't think I'll ever achieve that milestone with my current room mate as well we don't really talk much about things let alone close-to-heart matters. But who knows right? Things will always change in just a matter of days although I am pretty skeptical about it.
Judging from current events, pretty soon this house will only have one lonely guy that will remain as single as anyone can be, that is me. Kind of depressing when you put it that way you know haha. But well, as I type away freely there are so many things that keep flooding my mine that I want to pen down to ensure that I don't forget about it. One of it would probably my strong desire to help kiddo friend ZH. I don't quite know how I should put my finger on it but this current situation has forced me to reconsider the whole point of going to university and to decide on what is wrong and what is right. But at the end of the day, I guess the realisation that I got about 5 years ago saying that there is no such thing as right or wrong it's just a matter of perspective comes into mind. Perhaps the whole point of coming to a university is more than just studying, and sometimes even though your priority is not on studies, you can still succeed in the future. At the end of it all, I guess we are all on a path to figure out our futures and yeah it's not going to be as straight-forward or easy as you think. Hopefully I will discover it sooner rather than later.
Well, the tiredness is really starting to kick in. The quest to find someone I can fully trust and hopefully can comprehend my situation continues I guess. Perhaps those people that are currently in my life will be the answer to that but for the time being I guess I should continue to be who I am and do what I usually do best that is kicking everyone else's asses in studies. Haha. Till next time then I guess hahahaha.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Ponder...
It's pretty late right now. But before catching another episode of another meaningless yet addictive series I would just like to add a couple of words. Well, let's start off with the updating part. Long story short, I am currently in my first semester of the second year and got a new laptop, got a new magic deck courtesy of my friends. For some reason, my typing skills have deteriorated, so i wouldn't expect this post to be too long winded. Haha.
Alright let's jump straight to the point. Hmm let's see, entering the 2nd year in my course I kind of realise that i forgot the reason why i am studying this course. In a way, the motivation that i had last semester was kind of gone... Reading back the old posts reminded me of how much fire i have in me and well, the main reason of studying in a university. I guess, the changes I had this year that is staying with my friends, getting into the Dean's list has blinded me of my original intentions. Sometimes when you allow ego to get into your head you'll tend to revert back to your past self which is the competitive guy with an inflated ego.
Diving back into that old personality has certainly not brought any joy into my life instead I was constantly worrying about being the best in the class and inadvertently forgot the true purpose of learning. Well, luckily the mature part of me helped me to figure out that rough patch and well as long as I am enjoying learning I am pretty sure that getting into the Dean's list wouldn't be a problem. So, enjoy your life man stop worrying that's what i told myself.
I've been singing Home a lot lately because it kind of relates to me at an emotional level. Sometimes I still have the feeling of not being appreciated but hey, who are you to be entitled to that?
Finally, quite a number of my friends went to UK and they seem to be enjoying their life there. Hmm, the dream of going there still lingers on in my mind but as they always say it's not a bed of roses over there.
I doubt that I'll have friends that will truly comprehend me in this university but who knows right? I love writing but certainly not writing reports. Creative and free writing, that's what i love. When someone really figured me out, I guess they will find this blog although the name is pretty long haha.
Just discussing the last issue here, I don't like to post pictures because I realise that whenever you post pictures of you enjoying things somewhere you are kind of like propagating jealousy because not everyone has the financial or chronological capability of enjoying what you have. So, keep those photos to yourself as memories if you want to but please there really isn't a point in making it available to everyone you know on facebook. Well, this is just my humble opinion which is controversial as always.
Last but not least, having a week of study break, going to Sepang soon, hopefully will be a fun one, and well, till next time, I really should write more to enjoy my life. Instead of just storing everything inside the tiny brain of mine. But sometimes I don't remember what I was referring to last time so next time do write down whatever you mean Li. Lol.
Another single day,
Another time away,
I just wanna write to express my thoughts,
I miss you you you.
(Home tune)
Alright let's jump straight to the point. Hmm let's see, entering the 2nd year in my course I kind of realise that i forgot the reason why i am studying this course. In a way, the motivation that i had last semester was kind of gone... Reading back the old posts reminded me of how much fire i have in me and well, the main reason of studying in a university. I guess, the changes I had this year that is staying with my friends, getting into the Dean's list has blinded me of my original intentions. Sometimes when you allow ego to get into your head you'll tend to revert back to your past self which is the competitive guy with an inflated ego.
Diving back into that old personality has certainly not brought any joy into my life instead I was constantly worrying about being the best in the class and inadvertently forgot the true purpose of learning. Well, luckily the mature part of me helped me to figure out that rough patch and well as long as I am enjoying learning I am pretty sure that getting into the Dean's list wouldn't be a problem. So, enjoy your life man stop worrying that's what i told myself.
I've been singing Home a lot lately because it kind of relates to me at an emotional level. Sometimes I still have the feeling of not being appreciated but hey, who are you to be entitled to that?
Finally, quite a number of my friends went to UK and they seem to be enjoying their life there. Hmm, the dream of going there still lingers on in my mind but as they always say it's not a bed of roses over there.
I doubt that I'll have friends that will truly comprehend me in this university but who knows right? I love writing but certainly not writing reports. Creative and free writing, that's what i love. When someone really figured me out, I guess they will find this blog although the name is pretty long haha.
Just discussing the last issue here, I don't like to post pictures because I realise that whenever you post pictures of you enjoying things somewhere you are kind of like propagating jealousy because not everyone has the financial or chronological capability of enjoying what you have. So, keep those photos to yourself as memories if you want to but please there really isn't a point in making it available to everyone you know on facebook. Well, this is just my humble opinion which is controversial as always.
Last but not least, having a week of study break, going to Sepang soon, hopefully will be a fun one, and well, till next time, I really should write more to enjoy my life. Instead of just storing everything inside the tiny brain of mine. But sometimes I don't remember what I was referring to last time so next time do write down whatever you mean Li. Lol.
Another single day,
Another time away,
I just wanna write to express my thoughts,
I miss you you you.
(Home tune)
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Self reflection of a mature guy
Wow, it's been more than a year since I last checked in here. If you hadn't already know, a lot of things has happened in that long hiatus from blogging of mine. Well, I am pretty sure you are wondering what stories I am going to tell this time, but truth is, I am just going to briefly blog about the stories. The main emphasis on today's blog would certainly be the experience and things which I have learned this past year.
As I type freely away... I hum a familiar tune one which I forgot about a long time ago, the nostalgic tune of 'For Real' of 'gensomaden saiyuki'... It just clears my mine every time that tune plays in my mine. It's just so relaxing to hear that.
So, where do I start? Hmm, well I guess I should just update you guys with some information on where I am right now. After struggling with the demons within myself, I have finally realised the true meaning of going to a university as well as attaining a scholarship. I used to always think that I have to go to an overseas university to attain great education, but never did I realise that it doesn't matter which university you go to, the most important thing is that you learn as much as you can during this 4 short years and in order to make yourself a better person.
I always asked myself what course should I enrol into? But little did I realise that the answer is never easily found by anyone. I used to be always envious of my friends who seemed to choose their courses so easily as if they knew what they wanted all along and the pressure that I felt was really great back then. Bearing the competitive nature in me I made a hasty decision simply because I wanted to stand out from the crowd. Back then, I always knew that the course that I could never be certain about the course I chose even after my A levels. Looking back from this point now, I realised something which is that you can never be certain about what you want until you have seen something which you are truly interested in. Something which I have recently just found.
Undeniably, spending one year staying on campus is probably one good choice that I have made. The deprivation from family comfort made my appreciate my home even more and also the sacrifices which my parents have made for me. Which brings me to the scholarship hunting journey which I embarked upon years ago. I chose a longer path to graduation to prevent a future filled with regrets and what ifs, and till this day I stand by my decision because I know that in the future I won't question and beat myself up over the path not taken... After applying to a number of scholarships, and attended quite a number of interviews, I still fall short of achieving my dreams of securing a scholarship. But then I asked myself, what's the point of getting one? It was then I realised that the reason I got so upset back then was because of the shame caused by my own ego. Once I lost that, it doesn't matter anymore whether I get one or not. Yeah true, lifting the burden of my parents is still my number one priority but I asked myself why torture yourself when you can't do anything about it? Even if you have failed so many interviews the main thing is that you have risen stronger after falling down so many times. The lessons and the experience which you have gained are priceless it doesn't matter if you don't have the scholarship because in a way a scholarship is also another term of securing a loan, it's just a better way of phrasing it. As one old Chinese proverb once said 'talents are hard to find, but people who can spot talents are even harder to find'.
Oh yeah, about the campus life which I had, it was truly awesome. I have met so many wonderful friends and they have taught me so much about life. The usual naive me was always looking for fun fun and fun. But well, one good friend of mine taught me the importance of looking every situation from all angles. Even though I find that he tends to over think too much, it's really been interesting trying to analyse things like Sherlock Holmes for once. As the saying goes, you can't live with them, you can't live without them. I really understood the meaning of this phrase since coming here. It doesn't really matter if you don't talk to your best buddy for a few years or even months, because if you guys are really true friends, the moment you meet up again, you'll talk like you have never been apart before. Which is truly remarkable. Over here, I have friends coming from different backgrounds and that is the thing which sets the room alight, bright with different colours. But there are always people with ulterior motives right? Haha, every story has it's antagonist as we always say. Some people always think that they are superior than others just because they think that they have a lot of experience but the truth always is that they don't know anything about other before they start bragging in front of people. As always, I hate people who boast haha.
Some people are always not punctual taking things for granted, needing you only when the exams or assignments are due but hey life's like that. For every situation, I learned to deal with it with a calm heart. It's truly pleasing when you are at the centre of attention but well, everything has its limit. Tolerating it is the best foot forward.
Truth is I am really really tired and I have probably forgotten about most of the things which I wanted to write just now. Oh yeah, the Hong Kong drama which I just watched it was really nice because I felt I could relate to that story haha. At the end of the day, I told myself to stop trying to compete with others, just be the best you can be and learn as much as you possibly can because in the future, you are not going to be judged by the number of As you got rather it's on how much knowledge you have acquired. Another scholarship interview coming up, exams as well, and also well moving on to the next stage in life (you know what I mean).
As I mature into a fully grown adult,
I stare back down the past,
and realised how much I could have told myself,
but that's not something that I'll do,
because the decisions and the mistakes that we make in the past,
makes us who we are today,
and that's the very reason that people should never be judged by their past,
as the past makes them who they are today,
and who they are today is the one that should be judged.
This is all for today, I'll post more some other time, perhaps a few months later or even a year on who knows when I'll write again but one thing is for sure, I truly enjoyed the time I spent writing so freely without any restrictions without any format to adhere to... Times ahead are truly interesting...
As I type freely away... I hum a familiar tune one which I forgot about a long time ago, the nostalgic tune of 'For Real' of 'gensomaden saiyuki'... It just clears my mine every time that tune plays in my mine. It's just so relaxing to hear that.
So, where do I start? Hmm, well I guess I should just update you guys with some information on where I am right now. After struggling with the demons within myself, I have finally realised the true meaning of going to a university as well as attaining a scholarship. I used to always think that I have to go to an overseas university to attain great education, but never did I realise that it doesn't matter which university you go to, the most important thing is that you learn as much as you can during this 4 short years and in order to make yourself a better person.
I always asked myself what course should I enrol into? But little did I realise that the answer is never easily found by anyone. I used to be always envious of my friends who seemed to choose their courses so easily as if they knew what they wanted all along and the pressure that I felt was really great back then. Bearing the competitive nature in me I made a hasty decision simply because I wanted to stand out from the crowd. Back then, I always knew that the course that I could never be certain about the course I chose even after my A levels. Looking back from this point now, I realised something which is that you can never be certain about what you want until you have seen something which you are truly interested in. Something which I have recently just found.
Undeniably, spending one year staying on campus is probably one good choice that I have made. The deprivation from family comfort made my appreciate my home even more and also the sacrifices which my parents have made for me. Which brings me to the scholarship hunting journey which I embarked upon years ago. I chose a longer path to graduation to prevent a future filled with regrets and what ifs, and till this day I stand by my decision because I know that in the future I won't question and beat myself up over the path not taken... After applying to a number of scholarships, and attended quite a number of interviews, I still fall short of achieving my dreams of securing a scholarship. But then I asked myself, what's the point of getting one? It was then I realised that the reason I got so upset back then was because of the shame caused by my own ego. Once I lost that, it doesn't matter anymore whether I get one or not. Yeah true, lifting the burden of my parents is still my number one priority but I asked myself why torture yourself when you can't do anything about it? Even if you have failed so many interviews the main thing is that you have risen stronger after falling down so many times. The lessons and the experience which you have gained are priceless it doesn't matter if you don't have the scholarship because in a way a scholarship is also another term of securing a loan, it's just a better way of phrasing it. As one old Chinese proverb once said 'talents are hard to find, but people who can spot talents are even harder to find'.
Oh yeah, about the campus life which I had, it was truly awesome. I have met so many wonderful friends and they have taught me so much about life. The usual naive me was always looking for fun fun and fun. But well, one good friend of mine taught me the importance of looking every situation from all angles. Even though I find that he tends to over think too much, it's really been interesting trying to analyse things like Sherlock Holmes for once. As the saying goes, you can't live with them, you can't live without them. I really understood the meaning of this phrase since coming here. It doesn't really matter if you don't talk to your best buddy for a few years or even months, because if you guys are really true friends, the moment you meet up again, you'll talk like you have never been apart before. Which is truly remarkable. Over here, I have friends coming from different backgrounds and that is the thing which sets the room alight, bright with different colours. But there are always people with ulterior motives right? Haha, every story has it's antagonist as we always say. Some people always think that they are superior than others just because they think that they have a lot of experience but the truth always is that they don't know anything about other before they start bragging in front of people. As always, I hate people who boast haha.
Some people are always not punctual taking things for granted, needing you only when the exams or assignments are due but hey life's like that. For every situation, I learned to deal with it with a calm heart. It's truly pleasing when you are at the centre of attention but well, everything has its limit. Tolerating it is the best foot forward.
Truth is I am really really tired and I have probably forgotten about most of the things which I wanted to write just now. Oh yeah, the Hong Kong drama which I just watched it was really nice because I felt I could relate to that story haha. At the end of the day, I told myself to stop trying to compete with others, just be the best you can be and learn as much as you possibly can because in the future, you are not going to be judged by the number of As you got rather it's on how much knowledge you have acquired. Another scholarship interview coming up, exams as well, and also well moving on to the next stage in life (you know what I mean).
As I mature into a fully grown adult,
I stare back down the past,
and realised how much I could have told myself,
but that's not something that I'll do,
because the decisions and the mistakes that we make in the past,
makes us who we are today,
and that's the very reason that people should never be judged by their past,
as the past makes them who they are today,
and who they are today is the one that should be judged.
This is all for today, I'll post more some other time, perhaps a few months later or even a year on who knows when I'll write again but one thing is for sure, I truly enjoyed the time I spent writing so freely without any restrictions without any format to adhere to... Times ahead are truly interesting...
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Youtube funny videos
I just found out that youtube is actually not as boring as I used to think. Recently I stumbled across some very funny videos by a guy called KevJumba I think. I mean I find the videos he made freakingly funny. Not that I am promoting his videos but I never knew that youtube actually contains such videos. Haha.
Honestly, his video are really awesome as they help me destress after a day of examination - I just found out about his videos and I am having exams right now. The stuff that he talks about are just so typical, but the way he acts and says it out makes even the most common and predictable things funny. Haha.
I guess enough of me promoting his videos but really, you guys should really watch it. After a stressful day, a good laugh towards the end of it really helps.
Honestly, his video are really awesome as they help me destress after a day of examination - I just found out about his videos and I am having exams right now. The stuff that he talks about are just so typical, but the way he acts and says it out makes even the most common and predictable things funny. Haha.
I guess enough of me promoting his videos but really, you guys should really watch it. After a stressful day, a good laugh towards the end of it really helps.
Failure... A very painful thing to bear...
Perhaps I am just not as good as I think I am... Recently 3 of my applications to scholarship and universities were rejected. Shell rejected me outright, Cambridge rejected me after making me wait anxiously for 4 days thanks to their 'we are going to send you your results tomorrow' mail, and imperial just rejected me as well by offering me a biomedical engineering course which is like err.... The reason given - I am just not good enough I think. Alright, they didn't really put it that way but they might as well do that. I mean what's the difference right?
Honestly, I thought I am more mature right now and failures are easier to deal with. But it seems like no matter how many times I fail, each failure seems to be more painful than the last. Arghhhh, what is the matter with me? Why can't I get into any of the top universities? Am I just stupid? Or dumb? This is just so frustrating!!!!
Right now my options are really getting narrower and narrower and at the moment, I am really getting no where without any concrete offer from realistic universities. Sad isn't it? Haiz. I really hate to pity myself because it is just pathetic! You hear me pathetic! So just get over these and start working to improve yourself as a whole! Its not over yet. I am going to get something by the end of the day. I will!!!
Sorry peeps, this is turning out to be a self-conversing blog. But not many people read it anyway, so...
Anyways, I really have got to pull things together and just improve myself. Maybe I should work on my self-presenting skills and my English which is horrendous. Well, right now my A levels exam is going to finish next week and after that I have got to work even harder to secure at least a good scholarship and a good university placing. Singapore is my main target but who knows right? Not looking too far ahead though. Till next time...
Honestly, I thought I am more mature right now and failures are easier to deal with. But it seems like no matter how many times I fail, each failure seems to be more painful than the last. Arghhhh, what is the matter with me? Why can't I get into any of the top universities? Am I just stupid? Or dumb? This is just so frustrating!!!!
Right now my options are really getting narrower and narrower and at the moment, I am really getting no where without any concrete offer from realistic universities. Sad isn't it? Haiz. I really hate to pity myself because it is just pathetic! You hear me pathetic! So just get over these and start working to improve yourself as a whole! Its not over yet. I am going to get something by the end of the day. I will!!!
Sorry peeps, this is turning out to be a self-conversing blog. But not many people read it anyway, so...
Anyways, I really have got to pull things together and just improve myself. Maybe I should work on my self-presenting skills and my English which is horrendous. Well, right now my A levels exam is going to finish next week and after that I have got to work even harder to secure at least a good scholarship and a good university placing. Singapore is my main target but who knows right? Not looking too far ahead though. Till next time...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Feeling out of place...
Ah well, recently I just realised something while I was spending time with my college mates... Money does seem to be a factor while hanging out with them... It always like they want to go to some fancy place but I couldn't afford it and I kind of feel bad and out of place...
Most of the time when they talk about stuff, it is always about something that involves material that you will need money to buy. Since I am not exactly the type that have the money to buy stuff or even dream of buying them, I too always feel out of place in these conversations...
Kind of sad when you think about it... I am just not that kind of person that want to buy stuff all the time to keep myself happy. Honestly, I like to do activities that doesn't involve money at all or minimal amount of it if possible. Well, its not that I find them annoying, as I do learn about something here and there, but I really wish that I could find someone whom I can share my passion with...
I guess those kind of friends are hard to come by... From the looks of it, its the environment that we live in that causes our mentality to be totally different... Well, I just hate to spend money on something as I always regret whatever that I buy sooner or later. Haha. That's why I have never even spend a single dime on any electronic device... Can't believe it right? Haha.
Anyways, I just got the interview from Cambridge and I guess I'll be spending these next few weeks preparing for it... Got to go now, till next time. Cao.
Most of the time when they talk about stuff, it is always about something that involves material that you will need money to buy. Since I am not exactly the type that have the money to buy stuff or even dream of buying them, I too always feel out of place in these conversations...
Kind of sad when you think about it... I am just not that kind of person that want to buy stuff all the time to keep myself happy. Honestly, I like to do activities that doesn't involve money at all or minimal amount of it if possible. Well, its not that I find them annoying, as I do learn about something here and there, but I really wish that I could find someone whom I can share my passion with...
I guess those kind of friends are hard to come by... From the looks of it, its the environment that we live in that causes our mentality to be totally different... Well, I just hate to spend money on something as I always regret whatever that I buy sooner or later. Haha. That's why I have never even spend a single dime on any electronic device... Can't believe it right? Haha.
Anyways, I just got the interview from Cambridge and I guess I'll be spending these next few weeks preparing for it... Got to go now, till next time. Cao.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
No one to talk to..........
Feeling kind of down at the moment... So many things in my mind but no one to share with...
Monday, August 16, 2010
Hi there....
Wow! Again it seems like forever since the last time I posted a post. Well well, right now I am in my third semester of A levels studies and the second sem results is coming out in just a few days time and the nerves are hitting me badly. What if... There is just so much to write about haha.
Alright, first I actually took my Ielts and got a band 8 for it. Honestly I was quite happy about it but I expected more... as usual. Right now the thing that is bugging me is the personal statement that I need to write for the application of UCAS. Looking at those sample statements, I felt so dwarfed by those people's achievements. Haiz. If only I was as good as them.....
Besides that, I am also currently contemplating about applying to the US. But.. there is always the but, haha, I'll need to take the SAT exams and finish my applications and personal statements by the end of the year. Its just so troublesome when you come to think about it. I am still not sure as to whether to apply for it or not... Hmmm.... decisions, decisions...
As for the college work that I am currently doing, it'll be the Malaysian Studies work that is fast becoming a pain in the ass. I thought it'll be a breeze with the new found geniuses in my team but how wrong I was. As usual there are the ones where they just can't function properly and well I and a few other team members end up covering for them. Frustrating isn't it? Haha.
That's why for the UCAS thingy I am actually hoping to get into great universities like Cambridge and Imperial College. Seems a little far-fetched eh? I don't know, but I certainly don't rule them out. People around me here are all so damn rich, they actually can afford to do twinning programs with their parents' money. A little jealous here I guess... But I realised that only if I got to go to those overseas Universities through my own effort that I'll be truly satisfied. So the hard work got to start...
I have been quite lazy I have to say. Astonishingly, I came to a realisation that computer games no longer appeal to me anymore. Which is kind of weird considering how hooked on it I was during my schooling times. Nowadays I'd rather spend my weekends doing research and reading up on the latest technology available. Strange right? Just like the poem that I wrote a few years ago, the unpredictability of time.
It changes you, gives you a new perspective on life, gives you new loving friends which I didn't knew exists, and above all it still has so much to offer...
That's it for now, I guess till the next post which might be in a few months' time. ^.^
Alright, first I actually took my Ielts and got a band 8 for it. Honestly I was quite happy about it but I expected more... as usual. Right now the thing that is bugging me is the personal statement that I need to write for the application of UCAS. Looking at those sample statements, I felt so dwarfed by those people's achievements. Haiz. If only I was as good as them.....
Besides that, I am also currently contemplating about applying to the US. But.. there is always the but, haha, I'll need to take the SAT exams and finish my applications and personal statements by the end of the year. Its just so troublesome when you come to think about it. I am still not sure as to whether to apply for it or not... Hmmm.... decisions, decisions...
As for the college work that I am currently doing, it'll be the Malaysian Studies work that is fast becoming a pain in the ass. I thought it'll be a breeze with the new found geniuses in my team but how wrong I was. As usual there are the ones where they just can't function properly and well I and a few other team members end up covering for them. Frustrating isn't it? Haha.
That's why for the UCAS thingy I am actually hoping to get into great universities like Cambridge and Imperial College. Seems a little far-fetched eh? I don't know, but I certainly don't rule them out. People around me here are all so damn rich, they actually can afford to do twinning programs with their parents' money. A little jealous here I guess... But I realised that only if I got to go to those overseas Universities through my own effort that I'll be truly satisfied. So the hard work got to start...
I have been quite lazy I have to say. Astonishingly, I came to a realisation that computer games no longer appeal to me anymore. Which is kind of weird considering how hooked on it I was during my schooling times. Nowadays I'd rather spend my weekends doing research and reading up on the latest technology available. Strange right? Just like the poem that I wrote a few years ago, the unpredictability of time.
It changes you, gives you a new perspective on life, gives you new loving friends which I didn't knew exists, and above all it still has so much to offer...
That's it for now, I guess till the next post which might be in a few months' time. ^.^
Friday, January 8, 2010
Exam looming...
Wow, can't really believe it I guess, it has been such a lo0nnnng time since I last updated my blog. haha. Lazy plus insufficient time make the excuse.
Alright, right now I am going to have my exam next Monday, which is pretty soon. Well, things aren't exactly as easy as I thought. Especially the biology paper. Can't seem to pen down the right answer all the time. Haiz. So frustrating you know...
One of the reasons is probably because the paper isn't as straight forward as SPM. Think, think, think that is what they want me to do. However hard I try, I just can't figure it out. Why?? I kept asking myself, perhaps I should ask myself more of that during the exam then I will be able to do it haha.
Whatever it is, I'll just do my best and wait for the results... My aim? Sky high as usual. Hope to achieve it though. But with my current state, seems doubtful.
To all my friends who are having their exams, Goodluck guys and gals. ^.^
Got to go, till next time................
Alright, right now I am going to have my exam next Monday, which is pretty soon. Well, things aren't exactly as easy as I thought. Especially the biology paper. Can't seem to pen down the right answer all the time. Haiz. So frustrating you know...
One of the reasons is probably because the paper isn't as straight forward as SPM. Think, think, think that is what they want me to do. However hard I try, I just can't figure it out. Why?? I kept asking myself, perhaps I should ask myself more of that during the exam then I will be able to do it haha.
Whatever it is, I'll just do my best and wait for the results... My aim? Sky high as usual. Hope to achieve it though. But with my current state, seems doubtful.
To all my friends who are having their exams, Goodluck guys and gals. ^.^
Got to go, till next time................
Sunday, August 30, 2009
A Break.....
A break phew.... Kind of relief about having a break after studying for consecutive 12 weeks. Never had I thought that 9 months down the road my destiny would turn out to be so different. Yeah, like I had mentioned a thousand times before life is indeed unpredictable....
But it is the unpredictability that makes it interesting, that keeps us guessing what would be coming next....
A levels might be easier than what I had experienced before but that also means that the going will only get tougher from here. Seems like perfection is the key to err success in A levels. Judging on what I had heard the past week, I realised that in almost every single subject achieving the 100 marks is the ultimate goal. A 98 is simply just not good enough.
Well, well seems like there is a huge task ahead of me.... Got to start studying harder... No doubt about that. The hope of securing a scholarship is the only thing that drives me on I guess..... Hope... something that always enlighten our hearts.... Perfection here I come!!!
But it is the unpredictability that makes it interesting, that keeps us guessing what would be coming next....
A levels might be easier than what I had experienced before but that also means that the going will only get tougher from here. Seems like perfection is the key to err success in A levels. Judging on what I had heard the past week, I realised that in almost every single subject achieving the 100 marks is the ultimate goal. A 98 is simply just not good enough.
Well, well seems like there is a huge task ahead of me.... Got to start studying harder... No doubt about that. The hope of securing a scholarship is the only thing that drives me on I guess..... Hope... something that always enlighten our hearts.... Perfection here I come!!!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Finally out of it!
After 10 weeks studying at UTAR I am out of it!! This Wednesday I just went to MCKL to study A levels. After considering all my options I have decided that A levels would be the way to go in keeping my options open.
It just feels so good right now. No reports to worry about, no assignment to stress about, phew this is such a free flowing life I am having right now. Truth be told, A levels seem a little easy currently haha.
Going to this college is so much more easy as I only need to take the KTM to KL Sentral and have a 10 minutes walk to my college. Besides that, right now I finally am able to participate in co-curricular activities..... I have been longing for it after 10 weeks of complete boredom....
The theme of 'study,study,study' is kind of over right now. Although the system in this college kind of mirror the secondary school, I feel that this style suits me a lot. Really looking forward to the next few weeks, haha.
My old self is getting back again. I am looking forward to each trip to school. This feeling is so pleasant to have I guess...
That's it for now, I am kind of looking forward to the Merdeka holidays, I am sure we will be able to meet up haha.
It just feels so good right now. No reports to worry about, no assignment to stress about, phew this is such a free flowing life I am having right now. Truth be told, A levels seem a little easy currently haha.
Going to this college is so much more easy as I only need to take the KTM to KL Sentral and have a 10 minutes walk to my college. Besides that, right now I finally am able to participate in co-curricular activities..... I have been longing for it after 10 weeks of complete boredom....
The theme of 'study,study,study' is kind of over right now. Although the system in this college kind of mirror the secondary school, I feel that this style suits me a lot. Really looking forward to the next few weeks, haha.
My old self is getting back again. I am looking forward to each trip to school. This feeling is so pleasant to have I guess...
That's it for now, I am kind of looking forward to the Merdeka holidays, I am sure we will be able to meet up haha.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Frustration yet again....
Can't believe it......... Arghhh whatever assignment that I am doing now is just so me. I am the dictator of every single thing. It is just so not the purpose of doing an assignment. Haiz.
All the stuff that had been sent to me is just so messed up and so not cohesive that I had to edit almost every single part. Hey, looking back you guys were just awesome in doing the assignments. Kind of regretting that I didn't appreciate your efforts back then. haha.
I guess that is life, you can't expect everything to be perfect. True, not every member is bad, but still the bad ones are just too much to cope with. One phrase I learnt in Form 3 still etched deeply in my mind, ' things don't always go the way you want it to be, but you have to make the best out of the things turned out.'
I just have to best use whatever that I possess and turn it into something that I deem to be the best. Then I could have look back and say, I have tried my very best. Although I am trying hard not to be a lone crusader, but I guess sometimes I just have to do things myself.
I have learnt something truly important the last 6 months, that is don't expect others to give you a hand all the time, you just have to rely on your own abilities and capabilities. Only then, you can be completely independent......
It has been a long while since we yumcha together, maybe we should have it during the upcoming school holidays, guys please make yourself available during that period!
I guess that is it for now..... I feel like I am venting my anger over here.:p Hope you guys don't get bored reading my frustration all the time. haha.
All the stuff that had been sent to me is just so messed up and so not cohesive that I had to edit almost every single part. Hey, looking back you guys were just awesome in doing the assignments. Kind of regretting that I didn't appreciate your efforts back then. haha.
I guess that is life, you can't expect everything to be perfect. True, not every member is bad, but still the bad ones are just too much to cope with. One phrase I learnt in Form 3 still etched deeply in my mind, ' things don't always go the way you want it to be, but you have to make the best out of the things turned out.'
I just have to best use whatever that I possess and turn it into something that I deem to be the best. Then I could have look back and say, I have tried my very best. Although I am trying hard not to be a lone crusader, but I guess sometimes I just have to do things myself.
I have learnt something truly important the last 6 months, that is don't expect others to give you a hand all the time, you just have to rely on your own abilities and capabilities. Only then, you can be completely independent......
It has been a long while since we yumcha together, maybe we should have it during the upcoming school holidays, guys please make yourself available during that period!
I guess that is it for now..... I feel like I am venting my anger over here.:p Hope you guys don't get bored reading my frustration all the time. haha.
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